Bungalow Girl

Bungalow 2

It’s difficult to explain the Bungalow to an outsider for the joy and misery it has brought me over the years.  It is the quintessential LA experience, $11 beers, ocean sunset views, upscale atmosphere, Ray Bans, perfect hair and absurd cleavage.  Full of the most beautiful people imaginable with the ugliest of personalities.  You’re likely to bump into a celebrity every once in a while, or the rest of the time someone who thinks/acts like they are.  Last I was there, and this is 100% true, I overheard two girls making fun of a blind guy with cane in hand –

Can you help me find the girl I came with?

Is she your girlfriend?

Well, we just started dating..

That’s nice, where did you meet, the Sunglass Hut??

Still I make appearances there for birthdays/special occasions or at the end of the night pending the typical infinite and unwavering line outside.  Arriving is always a terrible experience but after only a few overpriced beers it transforms into something greater, like a Steven Segal movie perhaps, appalling yet unintentionally entertaining.  If you can enjoy watching the crowds without interacting, appreciate the beautiful scenery and enjoy the company you came with it is a great option.  The downside is the inevitable aftermath of being convinced to commingle by your friends.  Each time I say no, I’ve learned my lesson, but after repeated requests and some liquid encouragement I make the same mistake, or am approached, generally when unsolicited.

The story of Bungalow Girl takes place on an evening I decided to drop in to catch up briefly with a couple of recently engaged friends.  We showed up early enough to avoid a line, with the intentions of sharing a beer or two due to early morning workouts.    At the time Colin and I were standing by the bar, innocently talking when a girl abruptly barged into our conversation throwing a crunched up $10 bill in my face.

Crazy Girl

“Is this all I am” she said “an object to be bought, a pretty thing to be impressed with money?!?”

“Wooah, calm down” I said, “what are you talking about??”

She went on to explain how all the guys at the bar were “stuck up rich douches” who believed they could impress any girl by throwing money around.  She was clearly upset, a little drunk, younger (around 23) and something of a hot mess.  She went on to explain that like me she was new to LA and struggling to meet quality people, so against my better judgment I agreed to hear her out.

“It’s so hard finding anyone real around here…”

“Well you’re problem’s simple, you’re looking in the wrong places.  What else should you expect from spot like this??”

“Well where should I look then??”

“I’ve found a lot of success from clubs and athletic groups.  When people share interests they’re much more likely to bond and be worthy of talking to.  I have to admit though it’s been hard, it took a good year for me to find friends and feel comfortable in a new area so far from home.”

As we talked I found myself warming up to her.  There was very little interest at first but the more I got to know her the more I felt we had in common.

She went on to explain how she came out to the West Coast solo, that she had a decent education and had recently taken a good job responsible for the move.  She mentioned that she was into running and looking for a group to train with.

“There’s lots of good groups I can recommend…”

She also said she had been on a few dates, all with horrible outcomes.  Just finding girl friends seemed impossible.

“I might have some female friends you’d be interested in hanging out with…”

By this point it had been 45 minutes of talking to this girl and I hadn’t been able to catch up with the couple I had shown up with, but I was feeling much more comfortable with and even a little into her despite the rude introduction.

“Listen” I said, “I feel bad ignoring my friends any longer but it has been nice speaking with you.  Why don’t I give you my number just in case you’d like to get together, even as friends only.”

Offering my number vs asking for hers is a safe way for me to extend an invitation without the fear of rejection, or at least I had thought.

Her response “ohh, I would NEVER call you!”

I could not believe this comeback.  After her 45 minutes of complaining about how hard it is to meet friends or anyone nice, after her approaching me, and after nothing offensive or misleading in any way she had to shut me down in such a rude fashion.

“I can give you my number” she said, to which I replied “I’m ok”, and walked off.

My only vindication from the encounter was seeing her carried out by the bouncers hours later.  A slight victory to why I was hesitant and never should have gotten involved in the first place.  A flaw in my character to give the benefit of the doubt I suppose.

Fatality

I shouldn’t be surprised, I’ve seen this before.  What is it that makes a certain person feel better from bringing someone else down?  Like some twisted game of war where by winning the battle you absorb the other’s confidence for your own.  Louis CK does a funny skit on this in which presented with the common phrase when approaching women “what do you have to lose?” he responds with “A FUCKING LOT!”  18 years later I can still vividly remember getting shot down on the deck of some cruise boat at our 8th grade Washington DC school trip.  I had nothing to gain then.

The realities of present day dating in the setting of LA are much harsher, where the stakes are higher and the standards through the roof.  Sometimes I feel like we’ve lost touch of the whole point of this thing, blinded by superficial guide lines we’ve established and perhaps since forgotten why.  I’ve seen beautiful women do terrible things claiming insecurity and fortunate guys take their blessings for granted, throwing opportunity away for the chance at the next thrill, the 5% of both sexes doing enough damage to ruin things for the rest of us.  I used to get angry at these people but now I feel sad for how difficult it must be for them to find happiness.

I’ve learned through experience the best strategy, when approaching new people, for dating, friendship or whatever is to hope for the best but expect the worst and allow them to show you something worthy of effort without allowing for any personal vulnerability.  With the case of Bungalow Girl how might this apply?  On the surface everything would remain the same, but internally I’d remain emotionally shielded and when the finishing move of “ohh, I would NEVER call you!” came I would just smile and walk away unaffected.  Much easier said than done, but with practice not unachievable.  And as a silver lining, the bad experiences and personalities only serve for greater appreciation for the good and quality people in your life.  I still believe finding one good apple in a sea of rotten ones is worth the search.

  15 comments for “Bungalow Girl

  1. Joshua Miller
    July 24, 2016 at 9:17 am

    When she said, “I would never call you,” she probably meant, “I’m old-fashioned and I don’t think girls should call guys. I certainly can’t do it. Here’s my number and I hope you’ll call me.”

    • Johnny
      July 29, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      I know, most girls like when the guy takes the leading role.. LOL

    • Zachary Wheeler
      July 30, 2016 at 1:30 pm

      Even so, he still dodged a bullet with her. Who wants to hook up with a woman who has to be hauled away by a bouncer because she’s completely wasted?

      • July 30, 2016 at 2:22 pm

        I’ve heard this response quite a few times. At first I thought “No way! You weren’t there. She said it in a dismissive and disrespectful way” but as time has passed… hey you never know.

  2. Amy
    July 29, 2016 at 2:05 pm

    yeah. joshua has this right. sorry – as a woman – you actually totally missed that ball. that’s 100% what she meant – ironically – you rejected her. and honestly, reading a couple of these rants – you really sounds like you expect women to be crap…sounds like you are the one with the problem…

  3. Nina Chappel
    August 2, 2016 at 9:54 am

    That was my first thought too, especially since she offered her number. And maybe she got sloshed and had to be carried out by security because she was even more bummed after talking to you. Here she had a conversation with a nice guy for 45 minutes, then when she offered her number, you rejected her. (Yes, I know she said the “I would never call you” comment first, but you said she already seemed a little drunk and maybe didn’t realize what she said or how she said it — assuming that by that comment, she didn’t mean she was uninterested but merely old-fashioned).

  4. September 17, 2016 at 6:09 pm

    yeah she completely meant it in a “i don’t call guys” way rather than an “i’m trying to put you down” way…otherwise she would not have offered her own number…But this is precisely the reason she can’t find a “nice guy.” Because she plays all these games and expects men to always make the first move and to be the chaser…men who chase tend to be really misogynistic, thus why she keeps running across men who treat her like an object to be bought.

  5. Lisa
    September 23, 2016 at 4:52 pm

    Trust your gut; she’s trouble and you know it. But do some soul searching and decide if that’s something you’re attracted to. Some men are secretly attracted to the crazy (including my now-husband). Then he realized what was causing misery in all his relationships and his first marriage. When they split up, he went on OKC and looked only for the normal and found me. Hah. Gawd I don’t miss dating at all.

    • September 23, 2016 at 6:34 pm

      Pretty wise words Lisa. It’s normal to get burnt a few times to learn a lesson but if I keep going back for more I’m equally to blame.

  6. Danabrown
    September 25, 2016 at 1:37 pm

    Love this story. beautifully written. Im a 53 year old, married for 20 yrs and wouldnt last a week on the “scene”

  7. K.
    October 2, 2016 at 10:42 pm

    Her response: “Oh, I would NEVER call you!”

    I could not believe she had to shut me down in such a rude fashion.

    “I can give you my number,” she said, to which I replied, “I’m OK,” and walked off.

    Dude, stop being so whiny. The fact that you were fearful of rejection shows you were afraid of being vulnerable (not asking for her number instead), and girls don’t like guys who are pussies. Next time, grow a pair and ask a girl for her number if you are interested. Sorry if my words are harsh, but we still live in a society where guys call (and chase) the girl. Also, it is possible she got totally bummed out after talking with you for 45 min only to get rejected, and perhaps drank more to oblivion as a result.

    There are many good people out there, just sift through the bullsh*t front they put up at first.

  8. October 2, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    Read your article on the L.A. Dating scene. Loved the read. I lived there for a few years myself. Ran in Santa Monica to blow off steam. And was really turned off by the dating scene. I agree with your last portion of your writing – some people are blessed but don’t see it – but I guess that’s every where.
    But the LA dating scene is definitely tricky.
    But I know a few down to earth women out there.
    Keep writing, biking and doing your thing. 🙂

    • October 3, 2016 at 1:36 pm

      Thanks Alexandra, I’m glad you enjoyed the read and hope you’ve figured out the trick. Seems location is significant when it comes to LA but I agree some issues are everywhere.

  9. Kate
    October 4, 2016 at 12:38 pm

    Your articles carry the same theme. You are rejected by beautiful women who are either, in your estimation, dead inside (lingerie model article) or very nearly close to dead; this woman (who is 10 years your junior and admitted she was alone in this city) was carried out nearly unconscious with no concern from you other than this was some twisted vindication for having not replied in the affirmative to you. I am struck not only by the anger directed towards women in your articles but also how, in each instance, both women were young and beautiful. It’s almost as if their beauty and youth were a rejection locked, loaded and readied your way. Perhaps you could prove me wrong and write a story that breaks the narrative.

    • October 4, 2016 at 12:54 pm

      Hey Kate, thanks for your comment. The purpose of Hollywood Girl and Bungalow Girl were to illustrate an outsider’s perspective to the LA dating scene with a couple funny stories I hoped would be enjoyable to read. They are more of a snapshot than stance on dating because I’d like to think I’ve learned from them. Since I have much better experiences with still a few funny and bad. I’m not trying to come off as any sort of guy, just be honest and if nothing else entertaining. What would you prefer to read about? Would a happy ending be more enjoyable or relatable??

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