A Note to All the Singles

It’s been a little while since I put anything down in writing, and perhaps that’s a good thing, a sign that life has been firing on all cylinders, but a recent turn of events has left me lower than my typical feel good self.  A forced few week training hiatus has provided some unanticipated yet much needed reflection.  I am a little unsure where this post lies, as far as triathlon, life lessons or highly anticipated dating entries, but here goes…

I’ve come to establish the foundation of my happiness to be built up of 3 pillars which are 1) Career, 2) Passion and 3) Relationships (including friends, family and significant other).  When one pillar fails I will rely on the others to compensate.  Rarely but every so often two or more pillars are in jeopardy, this past month has been one of those rare occasions.

Some consideration has led me to ponder what makes relationships so different from the rest.  If you lose your job you go out and find another one, as income is what puts food on the table.  This is why Career is #1, to the extent that it is necessary for survival.  I consider Passion #2 as it is what defines us first as a person.  In my current case, with the sport of triathlon, if I have a low moment, I use it as motivation to set my sights on the next opportunity.  If you have a bad race learn from it and move on to the next.  But when it comes to Relationships (dating in particular) a funny thing happens…  You want it, you need it, but the harder you look for it the more difficult it is to find.

Finally getting back into my usual routine I mentioned this viewpoint to two friends this past weekend, out on the bike and a long run who offered some unique perspective.  The first mentioned that the timing of opportunity with career and passion is not unlike relationships in that in a position of desperation you are never as poised for success when finding another job and that pursuing your passion from a point of desperation will leave you unhinged.  The other friend mentioned what’s more significant than maintaining these pillars is learning from your failures so that you can shape your future and grow as a human being.  (I have some wise friends!!)

My last 4 years living in LA has provided a great number of ‘colorful’ dating stories, great in their terribleness, the more painful to tell the more entertaining to hear!  It’s gotten to the point where this has come to define me in many peoples eyes.  At 33 I’m starting to question whether this is right for me, if I am deserving or whether or not my time will come.  A universal question that many people ask themselves at a certain place/time in their lives.

I am privileged to declare however that my current state has allowed me to resume my focus on career and passion, that these two pillars are firing red hot!  I learned a lot about balance this last year and am encouraged to grow in this avenue at my next opportunity.  As far as ‘relationshiping’ is concerned I think I’m ready for a necessary hiatus, to the dismay of those who’ve asked for the next installment of crazy Welby dating stories.

And one last but necessary point to convey, though I have Relationships listed as #3, I consider it to be the most foundational pillar as it is the one that makes everything worth it.  I am so beyond grateful for friends in family in life who are always there when I need them and though I will try can never truly repay.

I am hopeful that this post was worth the read to a few and that it serves to anyone in my shared position that you are not alone, that finding happiness isn’t a destination but a process.

Welby